Such Is the Stuff of Life

This has been a week of ups and downs. Hubby's grandfather died and we had the funeral Thursday. Being twice-orphaned, I am no stranger to death. My first grandparent died when I was 7 and the last when I was 23. My father died when I was 12 and my mother when I was 18. I've seen traumatic death, quick death, and the slow, lingering death from illness. I've seen small, little-remarked funerals, and huge affairs with a receiving line blocks long. I've seen quiet, dignified, almost distant mourning, and I've seen people prostrate with grief. I've been both of those people.

Whenever someone dies, I'm brought back to that little girl who lost her daddy, and that big girl who lost her mommy. My mother-in-law (whose father it was) told me she was trying to bear up at the funeral to "make you proud." I wasn't sure what to say to that. I mean, it's not my father who just passed, and it's not my place to judge whether another's grief is appropriate in some way. I just told her that it was about her, not about me. I told her that I was on the verge of a nervous breakdown when mom died, cast alone out into the world with a troubled teenage brother to take care of that no one else wanted to deal with. The horror of those days, wondering how we were going to pay the bills, dealing with the huge piles of paperwork and the government bureaucracy. I'm amazed that we made it through relatively unscathed. That is the great miracle of my life (so far at least), that Jesus Christ is faithful and that He truly cares for his children.

Death is not something that I shield my children from. They know the circumstances of my parent's deaths and we make sure to include them in our daily lives. My daughter went to her first funeral (for a beloved family friend) last fall. She seemed to take his death with a strange stoicism. But, I remember being very pragmatic about my papaw's death when I was her age. So, when she started crying uncontrollably at Grandpa's funeral, I was quite surprised. She said that she was sad that she would never get to be friends with her Grampy. I think it may be that the weight of death I carry with me just got to be too much for her little shoulders to bear. She wasn't just mourning Grampy, but all the members of her family that she only knows only as pictures, stories, and momentos. Is it possible to mourn for that which you never really knew? Thank God that this is not the end, that those for whom we now mourn not knowing we will someday get to know.

Hubby delievered part of the eulogy and I am always amazed at what a powerful speaker he is. He evoked parts of his grandfather's life in such a vivid way that those who were only present to comfort friends were openly crying. Grandpa has been laid to rest, but his wife is still with us. Her health and mind are failing, and my mother in law is staying with her and caring for her. Please keep them in your prayers.

On the upside, the garden is nearly in, the strawberries are in bloom, and I had my first craft show of the year. It was a resounding success, by far the best day I've ever had money-wise. Such is the stuff of life.